Since writing this blog’s first post I have received quite a bit of feedback from my readers. One of the recurring things that I have heard is, “what you are doing is very brave.” Brave? not really, what is particularly brave about it? I am told that most people would want more privacy. Well, my life is Mostly an open book.
People say that blogging about our infertility is brave because most couples who have to deal with this issue are ashamed or embarrassed. That never made sense to me, embarrassing is:
- Running away from the microphone in the middle of your speech at your Bat Mitzvah.
- Introducing a colleague, one with whom you have worked for over a year, by the wrong name.
- Modeling your underwear to everyone at the bus stop because your skirt falls off as you run to catch the bus.
Infertility does not belong on this list.
I understand people who are concerned with their privacy, but I have discovered many wonderful things in my willingness to share my/our experiences. Last week my mother, one of my avid readers, called me after she had learned more about endometriosis and asked relevant questions about my treatment. This was the first productive conversation that the two of us have had on the subject and for a mother and daughter that can mean a lot. A friend suggested I should no longer refer to myself as the infertile half of the couple because it can lead to feelings of guilt or inadequacy. After all, she noted, it takes two. There are also those people who have read the blog and shared their own experiences. Knowing that other couples have been through this makes us feel less alone.
More than anything else, by sharing this experience I am able to gather the strength I need to push through this challenge. The past year has not been easy, but knowing that people out there are rooting us on and hoping for the best makes it a bit easier. So with the support and encouragement of those people who care I become not brave, but strong.
Today I had a choice: I could either go to work, or not – guess how this one turned out. I love that the university gives me Yimei B’chira (elective days) allotted to certain holidays on which I can choose whether I want to work or not – too bad I only get three a year! The plan was clearly to sleep in, but at 8:00 am I was wide awake (if you think waking up at 8:00 is by any definition late, I assume that you have children).
As I was lying in bed, wide awake, for no good reason, I of course began to think about possible posts. I more or less already have about 30 posts that I would like to share. These are mostly cute anecdotes, with little bits of information thrown in here and there. The blog is meant to serve four concrete purposes:
- Keep people posted in a lighthearted manner
- Demonstrate that conversations about infertility are not taboo
- Perhaps offer perspective to other people facing the issue
- Satisfy my constant urge for an audience
This post was not planned, but it hit me that I must put out the following disclaimer to all: I am the farthest thing from an expert about any of this. You already know that I have no medical certification, but the situation is far worse than that. I don’t read blogs on infertility; without a little help from google, I can’t tell you the phases of a woman’s cycle (and I know that many woman out there can recite it by heart). I didn’t even know about the TWW until someone used the acronym in a conversation – her response to me was “Toby, don’t you read blogs?”
Truth, no, I don’t really like them.
It was a day like any other and in my world that meant that I found myself talking. Anyone who knows me, knows that I talk a lot. I like to think that I am both funny and engaging and that people like to listen, but the truth of the matter is that I don’t really care that much. After all, I laugh.
So there I was in a traffic jam, a given in Jerusalem, and my colleague and I are passing the time talking about life. Well, more specifically, my life, and these days that means that I was telling her the most recent and hilarious episode in the quest that my husband and I began, a little over a year ago, to bring a new Galili into the world. As my friend laughed hysterically she said, “Toby, you should blog about this.”
And so this blog was born and we can all hope that it is not the only thing born out of this whole process!