People who know me well have probably picked up on two things: I love to celebrate my birthday and I seek meaning in the numbers associated with each year. Both became more pronounced when I realized that anywhere outside the United States my date of birth is written 5/6/78 – I’ve yet to get over how unique that is and it makes me feel pretty cool. I went a bit overboard in the year 2012, on my 34th birthday, I insisted that a toast be made at both 9:00am and 9:00pm, thereby associating and celebrating all the single digits with related to my birthday.

The Hebrew language makes these associations all the more interesting because each Hebrew letter has a numerical value and adding significance to the birthday. Many people know that 18, Chet and Yud,  spell chai meaning life.  I know some of you believe this to be nonsense but I have observed these numbers playing out in my life. Take for example the number 28, its Hebrew letter equivalent is Kaf and Chet,  which form koach (strength); the year after that birthday was difficult and I needed a good amount of strength to push through. My favorite is 32, Lamed and Bet, lev (heart). Tommy and I met when he was 32 and I was 32 when we married. Maybe this is all about self-fulfilling prophecies, but either way I enjoy it.

All this brings me to this year, today, my 36th birthday- 18 is life and so 36 is double life. No, that is not a plea for twins and yes, I do know the risks of playing around with fertility drugs. Usually my birthday celebrations are quite standard: food, cake, wine …. This year, however, we’ll be doing things a bit differently as Tommy and I will spend a good portion of today trying to get pregnant. This is all absent of any romance you might imagine because this process involves: fasting, an IV, anesthesia, a couple of doctors, quite a few nurses, bed rest and mostly patience. It was not the celebration that I  had envisioned, but my body calls the shots on this one.

Tommy and I celebrated a few days early and I may arrange a belated birthday related event- with daily visits to the fertility clinic this past week I have  not found the head space or energy to put it together. For now, I am just focusing on today, this moment and all the hope and potential it holds.

*******Note to readers: Normally, my posts describe events that have already transpired and I don’t anticipate that changing moving forward. I felt a need to share colliding of events because they could not be ignored. This is not an invitation to ask if I am pregnant or if it worked. I will let you all know, at some point. For now send good vibes and happy thoughts.